Marriage, it’s just hard.

Some days are just hard. Hard to deal with and hard to love someone who hurt your feelings or got on your nerves. Some days it’s hard to love someone you don’t like. We’ve all been there. When you’ve worked all day long, and you come home to a house that needs cleaning, a dinner that needs making, homework that needs finishing, and that never ending pile of laundry that just won’t fold itself. Yes, loving someone (even ourselves) is just hard. When the garbage is piling up, and they haven’t taken out the trash, or everyone is laying down and you’re trying to catch up on the dishes, the last thing on your mind is “it”. Marriage, it’s just hard. When the kids are crying and someone doesn’t feel good; you try to juggle it all, and maintain some sanity, marriage gets harder. When you have had more than the average fair share of struggles and stress, marriage is harder than ever.

When you come home from work and, start dinner and realize the trash is already taken out, marriage gets easier. When you’re exhausted and, genuinely too tired to eat because you just need a hot bath, and you already have a tub of warm water, marriage gets easier. When a family member is ill, or your heart is breaking, but someone holds your hand, marriage gets easier. When you have a bad day, and they don’t judge your ugly cry; marriage gets easier. When the world is ugly and against, but you have one person on your side, marriage gets easier.

I’m learning that the greatest things in life aren’t easy. They are actually the hardest things, and they take the most work. The best things in life are never free. Your love isn’t free, it will cost you tears, your time, your pride and your anger. Your love costs a lot. But, theirs does too. Marriage is a full time job, with the greatest benefits. You have a best friend for life. In marriage, you learn a lot about your spouse but a lot about yourself as well. Marriage is hard, but marriage makes it easier.

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Pulling Over.

Seems like you blink and I swear six months have gone by. You get so busy with life, you just quit living. I wake up, handle business and go to bed. Everyday is a battle and I’m fighting it the best way I know how. I’ve been there before. Fighting, struggling, surviving, but at what point do you say I’m done surviving? I just want to overcome these battles. I want to live. That’s where I am. Trying to learn to live again. I’ve found my way back to church, and I’m trying to put my best foot forward, but I feel like a toddler learning to walk with spaghetti legs. Everyday I wake up with the best of intentions but seem to find myself back at square one. I guess I’m learning that it’s ok to stumble or fall, it’s ok to make a mistake. Learn from it, find the trigger, and push harder. Push until you can’t push anymore and when you find yourself there, on your knees, with no other options, pray. Pray like it’s the last time you’ll have the chance, pray like your life depends on it. Then, you wait. That’s where I am. I am waiting. I am waiting for God to move. I am listening for his word. I need him to move, and I need to hear him.

The hardest thing in this world is to “give it to God”. How many times have you given it to God and picked it right back up? I do it daily. Not anymore, bills, kids, marriage, God is getting in the driver seat and I’m taking his path. The road I’ve been on has been hard, and painful, and I’ve only given him control when I’ve been too tired to keep driving. One thing I can’t stand is a back seat driver, and here I am being one. Not anymore. Today I have pulled over, given God the keys and accepted that I can’t make this trip without him. I don’t want to take this trip without him. Some days will be harder, and some will be glorious, I’ll have to take them as they come. I encourage anyone reading this to take the same leap of faith. Get in the passenger seat and enjoy the view.

Hug your momma.

On this day 3 years ago, I hugged my momma. I hugged her and told her I loved her while she was staring into my eyes. Something I should not have been able to do. When the doctors where loosing faith God showed up. He saved her. After 10 longs days my mother was awake and responsive. She looked dead in my eyes and said “I love you”. Just hours before, I was crying and begging her to come back to me. Praying with every fiber in my being that she would live. People, regardless of circumstance, love your parents. You may never agree with their choices or their lifestyle. You may think you always have the answers. You may genuinely believe they don’t deserve your time but they are the reason you are alive and reading this right now. Hug your momma. Hold her. Smell her hair, kiss her cheek, and love her. You never know when that opportunity will be gone. You don’t have to like them but you need to love them. I am so grateful for the past 3 years. It hasn’t been easy but she was and is a fighter. Against all odds, she made it. I believe without a shadow of doubt she heard me and she knew we still needed her here. Not many people know the whole story, but I kept telling her nothing was stronger than the love between a mother and daughter. Somewhere, in there was my mother and I wasn’t going home without her. Time has passed but I can tell you this,  everytime I pass that hospital, and everytime I see my mother I live it all over again. It hasn’t gotten easier but it keeps me humble. If you’re reading this, hug your momma.

ARDS- Know the signs. Get informed.
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