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If I could dance with my father again.

Throughout life you will find that as people come and go, some never really leave. I was thirteen years old when he passed away. He was and is still the greatest man I ever knew. My popa. In my mind he was the most honest, loving, and caring person to ever walk the earth. He was my knight in shining armor, my Prince charming, he was my hero. Actually, he still is my hero. He served for his country would have proudly done it again. He spent his days hunting and fishing before diabetes ultimately took his site. We spent our afternoons building things in the shed and making messes for my Nanny to clean up. He may have been set in his ways but I can’t recall a time he ever told me no.

To know him was to love him. He was the first man in my life, and set the bar pretty high for what a man should be. I know most kids enjoy spending time with their grandparents, but he was far more than just a “popa” to me. There was an unspoken bond between the two us. I remember asking one time “how could ever get married?!?!? There will be no dad to give me away!” He gave me this silly face and said “well, I wasn’t going to let just anybody take you off! Figure I’ll meet him first and I might let him have you.” I knew from that moment on, he would fulfill any “daddy duty” we encountered.

Sadly, he never made it to wedding day. To honor him, his photo was with us at the arch my husband and I exchanged our vows under. My actual father and I dedicated the “father-daughter” dance at my wedding to him. It was an extremely emotional moment for everyone, but I know that for every second that passed, he was with me. I was able to dance with home again (so to speak). That was the song played. Today he is weighing heavily on my mind and I hope that everyday since he has passed he’s been proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

 

To my popa, my hero, this one’s for you.

13th time’s the charm.

To My Hero,

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You are the most amazing person I’ve ever been blessed to know. You are my “sonshine” and you are my heart. The love between a mother and child is the purest love of all. I would give my last breathe just to say I love you. I will never give up hope nor will I ever lose faith. Together we will overcome anything that stands in the way. Becoming a Momma was and is my greatest accomplishment.

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Today may be just another day for everyone else. Today may seem like another day for every other parent but for us, today at 11am will be the 13th time I have sat and waited for someone to tell me “we’re all done” after they snatch you away from me. The 13th time I have sat calmly and watched you get ready while on the inside I’m battling with my emotions. If you ever read this, I want you to know how strong I’ve tried to be. I hope you know how big my faith is. One day this will be just another memory. Today it is a struggle we face everyday but someday soon it will be a small journey and a huge testimony. One day you will know what a miracle you are.

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I love you bigger than the ocean
and deeper than the sea.
You are the greatest part of me.

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Chance, I love you more than words. XoXo.
Love, Momma.

If you should find yourself reading this, please take a second to send up a prayer for my special boy today. He’s about to endure his 13th surgery in an effort to open his airway for better breathing. I stand firm in my faith and The Lord is going to deliver my child from this. Thank you in advance from our family to yours!

Today’s the day! Again!

Today’s the day. I feel like we’re caught somewhere. Stuck in time. One second the clock seems to be racing away, the next it seems to be frozen. Today’s the day we go for yet another check up. One more time we let them poke and prod and hope the answer is somehow different from the eleven previous times. Today we find out if we are still progressing or if we’re signing up for number twelve. The twelfth surgery that is.

My son, he is the strongest, five year old I’ve ever known. Actually, he is the strongest person I know. He puts on a brave smile and even though he gets frustrated and I can see the anxiety, he’s a trooper. He is always ready for whatever comes his way. Of course he’s not excited and sometimes are harder than others, but he always leans to his Momma for comfort and yet I find comfort in him.

In five years, we have experienced many highs and lows. Many times I’ve had to snap myself back to reality. Never have I wanted to give up, but to be honest, it’s heart breaking to watch something you created and love so much, suffer over and over. Today’s the day we stroll into that office and accept what ever truth our brilliant doctor delivers. We may not have it all, but we have hope, faith, and love. We believe our miracle is coming. At anytime now, our son will be healed. That gives me a continued strength. He will have some amazing story to tell, and he will give God all the credit. What a day that will be!

If you’re reading this, I hope in some way you’ve been touched. I hope you find a second to say a prayer, send up some positivity, and believe with me. My God is still in the miracle working business. It’s only a matter of time.