Pick up the pieces anyway. Even if they don’t all fit the way they where, they’ll fit. They’ll create something that wasn’t before. They’ll create something beautiful. Something new. Something better.
Seems like you blink and I swear six months have gone by. You get so busy with life, you just quit living. I wake up, handle business and go to bed. Everyday is a battle and I’m fighting it the best way I know how. I’ve been there before. Fighting, struggling, surviving, but at what point do you say I’m done surviving? I just want to overcome these battles. I want to live. That’s where I am. Trying to learn to live again. I’ve found my way back to church, and I’m trying to put my best foot forward, but I feel like a toddler learning to walk with spaghetti legs. Everyday I wake up with the best of intentions but seem to find myself back at square one. I guess I’m learning that it’s ok to stumble or fall, it’s ok to make a mistake. Learn from it, find the trigger, and push harder. Push until you can’t push anymore and when you find yourself there, on your knees, with no other options, pray. Pray like it’s the last time you’ll have the chance, pray like your life depends on it. Then, you wait. That’s where I am. I am waiting. I am waiting for God to move. I am listening for his word. I need him to move, and I need to hear him.
The hardest thing in this world is to “give it to God”. How many times have you given it to God and picked it right back up? I do it daily. Not anymore, bills, kids, marriage, God is getting in the driver seat and I’m taking his path. The road I’ve been on has been hard, and painful, and I’ve only given him control when I’ve been too tired to keep driving. One thing I can’t stand is a back seat driver, and here I am being one. Not anymore. Today I have pulled over, given God the keys and accepted that I can’t make this trip without him. I don’t want to take this trip without him. Some days will be harder, and some will be glorious, I’ll have to take them as they come. I encourage anyone reading this to take the same leap of faith. Get in the passenger seat and enjoy the view.
As 2014 approaches I can’t help but look back on the misadventures we’ve had. It has been a year of ups and downs. I’ve asked myself how we managed another year? Will the next be any better? Of course I’ve said “If I could only go back.” Curiosity killed the cat. Or did it?
For 2014 I’ve decided to deeply evaluate all of the things that brought out the worst for us. Curious to see if I am merely happy now, how wonderful will it be when I release all negativity and embrace only the positive? I refuse to have another moment of unhappiness. With two perfectly perfect children and a husband who is an incredible provider, I draw the line with 2013! It is only up from here!
Worrying is some why of a hobby of mine. Ask anyone who personally knows me and I am the most optimistic, upbeat, and positive person around. If only everything coming out of my mouth matched the feelings in my mind. It is my vow for myself to discard all the negativity from this previous year and all negativity that should come our way. I flat our REFUSE to e anything other than happy when I have every reason to be overjoyed.
Hello 2014, I’ve been waiting for you! I’m excited for new beginnings, fresh starts, planting seeds of happiness, and digging deeper to learn more about who I truly am.