Seems like you blink and I swear six months have gone by. You get so busy with life, you just quit living. I wake up, handle business and go to bed. Everyday is a battle and I’m fighting it the best way I know how. I’ve been there before. Fighting, struggling, surviving, but at what point do you say I’m done surviving? I just want to overcome these battles. I want to live. That’s where I am. Trying to learn to live again. I’ve found my way back to church, and I’m trying to put my best foot forward, but I feel like a toddler learning to walk with spaghetti legs. Everyday I wake up with the best of intentions but seem to find myself back at square one. I guess I’m learning that it’s ok to stumble or fall, it’s ok to make a mistake. Learn from it, find the trigger, and push harder. Push until you can’t push anymore and when you find yourself there, on your knees, with no other options, pray. Pray like it’s the last time you’ll have the chance, pray like your life depends on it. Then, you wait. That’s where I am. I am waiting. I am waiting for God to move. I am listening for his word. I need him to move, and I need to hear him.
The hardest thing in this world is to “give it to God”. How many times have you given it to God and picked it right back up? I do it daily. Not anymore, bills, kids, marriage, God is getting in the driver seat and I’m taking his path. The road I’ve been on has been hard, and painful, and I’ve only given him control when I’ve been too tired to keep driving. One thing I can’t stand is a back seat driver, and here I am being one. Not anymore. Today I have pulled over, given God the keys and accepted that I can’t make this trip without him. I don’t want to take this trip without him. Some days will be harder, and some will be glorious, I’ll have to take them as they come. I encourage anyone reading this to take the same leap of faith. Get in the passenger seat and enjoy the view.