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Pick up the pieces anyway. Even if they don’t all fit the way they where, they’ll fit. They’ll create something that wasn’t before. They’ll create something beautiful. Something new. Something better.

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Pulling Over.

Seems like you blink and I swear six months have gone by. You get so busy with life, you just quit living. I wake up, handle business and go to bed. Everyday is a battle and I’m fighting it the best way I know how. I’ve been there before. Fighting, struggling, surviving, but at what point do you say I’m done surviving? I just want to overcome these battles. I want to live. That’s where I am. Trying to learn to live again. I’ve found my way back to church, and I’m trying to put my best foot forward, but I feel like a toddler learning to walk with spaghetti legs. Everyday I wake up with the best of intentions but seem to find myself back at square one. I guess I’m learning that it’s ok to stumble or fall, it’s ok to make a mistake. Learn from it, find the trigger, and push harder. Push until you can’t push anymore and when you find yourself there, on your knees, with no other options, pray. Pray like it’s the last time you’ll have the chance, pray like your life depends on it. Then, you wait. That’s where I am. I am waiting. I am waiting for God to move. I am listening for his word. I need him to move, and I need to hear him.

The hardest thing in this world is to “give it to God”. How many times have you given it to God and picked it right back up? I do it daily. Not anymore, bills, kids, marriage, God is getting in the driver seat and I’m taking his path. The road I’ve been on has been hard, and painful, and I’ve only given him control when I’ve been too tired to keep driving. One thing I can’t stand is a back seat driver, and here I am being one. Not anymore. Today I have pulled over, given God the keys and accepted that I can’t make this trip without him. I don’t want to take this trip without him. Some days will be harder, and some will be glorious, I’ll have to take them as they come. I encourage anyone reading this to take the same leap of faith. Get in the passenger seat and enjoy the view.

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If I could dance with my father again.

Throughout life you will find that as people come and go, some never really leave. I was thirteen years old when he passed away. He was and is still the greatest man I ever knew. My popa. In my mind he was the most honest, loving, and caring person to ever walk the earth. He was my knight in shining armor, my Prince charming, he was my hero. Actually, he still is my hero. He served for his country would have proudly done it again. He spent his days hunting and fishing before diabetes ultimately took his site. We spent our afternoons building things in the shed and making messes for my Nanny to clean up. He may have been set in his ways but I can’t recall a time he ever told me no.

To know him was to love him. He was the first man in my life, and set the bar pretty high for what a man should be. I know most kids enjoy spending time with their grandparents, but he was far more than just a “popa” to me. There was an unspoken bond between the two us. I remember asking one time “how could ever get married?!?!? There will be no dad to give me away!” He gave me this silly face and said “well, I wasn’t going to let just anybody take you off! Figure I’ll meet him first and I might let him have you.” I knew from that moment on, he would fulfill any “daddy duty” we encountered.

Sadly, he never made it to wedding day. To honor him, his photo was with us at the arch my husband and I exchanged our vows under. My actual father and I dedicated the “father-daughter” dance at my wedding to him. It was an extremely emotional moment for everyone, but I know that for every second that passed, he was with me. I was able to dance with home again (so to speak). That was the song played. Today he is weighing heavily on my mind and I hope that everyday since he has passed he’s been proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

 

To my popa, my hero, this one’s for you.

When you’re not enough, remember this…

“No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough to a man who isn’t ready.”

 

Words to live by no doubt. We’ve all had that one relationship or person that just couldn’t or wouldn’t work and yet we spent countless times trying to force it. When I was in high school, I thought I knew everything, had all the answers and you couldn’t tell me anything. Looking back, I am so grateful for all of the missed opportunities and unanswered prayers. My husband and I have known each other our entire lives and even though we maintained a good friendship, timing was always off. He was seeing someone or I was busy running my parents crazy. Funny how we look at things later isn’t it? Blessed is the understatement of the century.

I’ll never forget the first time he picked me up to “ride through town”. To this day I can tell you where I was at, what I was doing, and at least 90% of our conversation via text messaging. I knew walking out the door things would change, but I could have never guessed how much. From that moment on we where inseparable. Don’t get me wrong, it was nothing short of a whirlwind we were caught up in but, it was my whirlwind and I’ve never been real afraid of rough weather. I knew that we where in for it. I also knew there was nowhere else I’d rather be or anyone else I’d rather be in it with. My husband saved me. Whether he knew it then or if he even knows it now, he saved me.

Truthfully, I never thought I’d get married or I assumed I would end up with some “asphalt cowboy” as Jason Aldean so eloquently put it. Someone too busy chasing a living or a dream to settle down with little old me. We talked several times about marriage and I assumed the same for him. He’d marry some high school sweetheart and settle in right here. Funny how fate intervenes. It’s something you just can’t avoid. I am so glad it came knocking when it did and not a moment too soon. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that happiness isn’t always easy to find, and life is entirely too short. Enjoy it, when the right “Mr. Right” shows up it will be well worth the wait.

My husband far exceeds any and all expectations I had. He is loving, kind, hard-working, and dedicated. Most importantly, he reminds me that I’m just right for him. He loves and appreciates me flaws and all. He was worth the wait, the heartache, and the happy ending. If you have found yourself wondering if it’s time to close the book, I don’t have that answer. I don’t know your story or your pain. What I do know is life has a way of working itself out. Sometimes things fall apart for the sole purpose of better things coming together. This isn’t Cinderella and sometimes the shoe just doesn’t fit.

It’s the little people in life.

Sometimes all you need is a little sunshine, a best friend, and a front porch.

After a very busy week filled with a lot of the normal chaos having two children brings, I decided we needed a break from our weekend. Ever notice how time off is never spent “off”? The previous week was jam packed with things to prepare and to catch-up on by the unexpected surgery for Chance and the everyday hustle and bustle of life. After much thought I decided sunshine was what we all really needed. Instead of trying to cram in one more activity or one more event, I grabbed a lawn chair, the kiddy pool, and the sprinkler the kids received at Easter. Moments later I was able to sit back and watch my kids enjoy their water wonderland.

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The whole memory cost about $15. That’s including the water used for the pool and the sprinkler ($10 of that can’t be counted because the pool is at least two years old). The sheer joy on their faces as the water sparkled in the sunshine was overwhelming. To others passing by it may have looked like a normal Sunday in the sun, but I was enjoying a little piece of heaven on earth. With my phone and all other electronics locked away inside we where able to really enjoy each other. It’s funny how easy it is to connect once you disconnect. The sound of their laughter while splashing each other was far better than any song the radio has to offer. Listening as their imaginations run wild was and is such a blessing to experience. Mermaids, monsters, whales, and boats where the highlights of their adventure in the lost lagoon (kiddy pool). Of course the monster was quickly fed up with the mermaids attemps to ride the whale off into the sunset! Hey, how many siblings do you know that do not disagree from time to time?

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. It’s not just the little things in life, but the little people in life that make it so enjoyable. My children are my greatest accomplishment, and I spend so much time trying to teach them things or give them something to take with them through life, I fail to see the many things they can teach me. It’s not about the quantity of time we spend with each other but the quality of time. So turn off that smart phone, step away from the t.v.,and enjoy your little people!

13th time’s the charm.

To My Hero,

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You are the most amazing person I’ve ever been blessed to know. You are my “sonshine” and you are my heart. The love between a mother and child is the purest love of all. I would give my last breathe just to say I love you. I will never give up hope nor will I ever lose faith. Together we will overcome anything that stands in the way. Becoming a Momma was and is my greatest accomplishment.

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Today may be just another day for everyone else. Today may seem like another day for every other parent but for us, today at 11am will be the 13th time I have sat and waited for someone to tell me “we’re all done” after they snatch you away from me. The 13th time I have sat calmly and watched you get ready while on the inside I’m battling with my emotions. If you ever read this, I want you to know how strong I’ve tried to be. I hope you know how big my faith is. One day this will be just another memory. Today it is a struggle we face everyday but someday soon it will be a small journey and a huge testimony. One day you will know what a miracle you are.

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I love you bigger than the ocean
and deeper than the sea.
You are the greatest part of me.

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Chance, I love you more than words. XoXo.
Love, Momma.

If you should find yourself reading this, please take a second to send up a prayer for my special boy today. He’s about to endure his 13th surgery in an effort to open his airway for better breathing. I stand firm in my faith and The Lord is going to deliver my child from this. Thank you in advance from our family to yours!

Mountains, Mole hills, and Stepping stones.

I’m a firm believer in giving credit where credit is due. I’d like say thank you. Firstly to God and secondly to every single person who managed a prayer for our son. I’ve been saying for years that our miracle is coming and I stand firm on Gods word. I have asked and I shall receive.

We went for Chance’s check up almost expecting bad news, but I told myself all the way from the car, through the parking garage, and up the elevator,
“My God is bigger than this.”,
“My god will never leave or forsake us.”,
“My God, please….please.”

We always see things much bigger or harder than they truly are. God can turn a mountain into a mole hill, and he can fix anything, even when it seems hopeless. I’m not sure where the tables where turned or how God chooses his timing, but I know he’s always on time. After a quick check up we where released and asked to come back in 3 months! Let me explain something, 3 months may seem like nothing, but for us, that is like an eternity.

Chance has been having surgery every 3 months for over 2 years now. We have successfully bypassed month 3 and month 4! No matter what the future holds, this is our stepping stone. This, this small window, is the gateway to a happy and healthy future. When he goes back that will be 7 months total, and a record breaker for us! You could never imagine what that is like as his parent. There are not enough words in the English language and five others to describe the amount I joy I’m bursting at the seams with!

I will never be able to thank each and every person who has prayed for my child, but I can try. I will try. If you’re reading this and you’ve heard our story, THANK YOU! From the depths of my heart, and my entire soul, thank you. We’re going to continue praying, and as always believing, we can beat this. We want a cure, we want a “success rate“. We want our miracle, and we’re going o get it!

This, is our stepping stone and one more reason I know I serve such a mighty God.