You can’t silence a Mother.

I am a fighter. I am a giver. I am the first to say when you are wrong, and the first to stand behind you. I am opinionated, and I care. I love you. I am your mother.

A few days ago I stumbled across an article by another woman. In short she stated that “there is nothing special about being a mother, especially a stay at home mother. Anyone can do it. Being a mother is not an accomplishment.” I disagree. Becoming a mother is the greatest privilege of a woman. In today’s society it seems if we aren’t chasing a career or becoming a millionaire we are less than equal. I find that hard to swallow.

Somewhere along the way society has forgotten what a mother truly is. I am not an oven. I didn’t carry you for nine months to throw you to the wolves of this world. I will not allow them to chew you up and spit you out. I will stand by you, beside you, and in front of you when needed. I am your mother and you are my world.

There aren’t many things in this world that will send me into a fit of rage but let me assure you, my children are top on the list of things that will. I take my family as serious as one can. I am a young mother who works a full tim job. I dedicate every free moment of my life to my family. My husband is our rock. He is the provider, and the head of our home. I am proud to say I dote on my children and my husband. I would gladly give up anything and everything that should stand between me and those three.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but since when should ours be silenced? You can’t silence a mother and I refuse to be quite. It seems the only thing in mainstream media these days are from people taking away Jesus, taking away our pride, and those that belittle one who may be different. Being different is what makes each one of us special. I don’t judge those who choose not to have children and spend their lives married. I am proud of the life I’ve made for myself. I’m proud of the home I’ve built. Each of us come together completing our family. That is something to be proud of, not frowned upon. Regardless of whether you see it making front page news.

My children are the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced. My family, my husband, and my two beautiful children are by far my greatest accomplishment. Anyone who says that isn’t an “accomplishment” has never experienced true love. I don’t just kiss boo boo’s, and comb hair. I am much more than a cook, and house keeper. I am a mother. I create people. Real, living, breathing, people. Some children will grow up to be doctors or lawyers, others an artist or teacher. Remember if it where not for a mother these “people” would fail to exist.

Being a mother is the hardest job there is. The balancing act between love and discipline. Trying to build a strong bond with each of them. Allowing them to grow and experience life. Teaching them love, respect, honesty, and then allowing them to spread their wings and fly. A mother gives her entire life for her children. Every ounce of time and every smidgen of love a heart can hold. Only to release and let them go. Before you say being a mother isn’t hard, before you say being a mother isn’t something to be proud of, ask yourself who you would be today without the role of your mother.

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Until It’s gone.

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Something I wrote in high school.
(Circa 2006)

You don’t know what love is,
until it breaks your heart.
Your perfect little world,
soon after falls apart.

There’s nothing you can do,
and nothing you can say.
It’s just the way it happens,
and the way things will stay.

When it’s cold outside,
you want them there to keep you warm.
When you realize they’re not coming,
it suddenly starts to storm.

After all the mess,
after everything’s gone wrong,
you slowly start to realize,
you never knew what you had until it was gone.

Yesterday’s role in today’s society.

Call me old fashioned, but I believe a marriage is made for two people and two people only. I know there are some woman out there who aren’t going to like what I’m about to say, but I think a woman and a man have their own place in a marriage. Yes, I think there are roles we should live by. I’m not saying he should be egotistical and control everything. I am however saying that I believe the divorce rate is so high these days because men don’t feel like men and woman aren’t treated like woman.

Note: My beliefs do not have to be the same as yours. We can agree to disagree.

I personally enjoy going home after work, cooking dinner, fixing plates, and serving my husband and children. They all appreciate it, and truthfully it’s much easier. I genuinely enjoy being the glue in our family. I believe that is my purpose. My husband and children give me purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I am still entitled to be who I choose outside of being a mother, but If I had to choose, I’d be wife and mother anyway.

You would have to understand my upbringing and the woman of influence in my life. All sharing the same beliefs as me. I believe a man should work, take are of his family, and treat his wife like the lady she is. He should be the head of household, in all aspects. As a woman I believe it is my job, my right as a wife and mother to take care of my children and the home we’ve created. Now again, some people are surely rolling theirs eyes and turning red in the face. This is my choice. Not yours.

I think men should be treated like men. They should have dinner prepared by a wife that is more than happy to dote on them. I keep seeing blog after blog, article after article about how to “spice up” your marriage. Well let me just throw this out there and get it out of the way. When you’re having problems on the home front with just two people, the last thing you need to do is add another person to the equation. “Two’s a party, three’s a crowd.” I believe marriage was made for is two people. What you do, and who you do it with should be your spouse.

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That word seems to be thrown around an awful lot lately. Excuse me, but I thought it was pretty much common sense that when two people marry it was for until death do we part. It’s in the fine print, and it’s in your vows. I just don’t understand how people throw their marriage around like a designer handbag. Only to discard it when it’s out of season. People say the divorce rate is so high for many different reasons, I laugh every time I hear “they don’t make love like the used to“. They never made love to begin with. People create it. Each of us, and for the love of me I can’t seem to grasp how you quite loving someone. You either still do or never truly did.

To divorce someone simply because you don’t love them, is as silly as marrying them because you do.

Think about it. Let that sink in. Exactly. People need to get off the high horse, and get back into the marriage. Stop allowing what is currently “socially acceptable” to control your life. You give the respect you want in return. Prove to your spouse and yourself that you are in this marriage for the long haul and for the right reasons. One day, you’ll be old and grey (if you don’t use Clairol) sitting in your rocking chair by the person who spoke the same vows as you. Still fully committed to you. Time will pass, looks will fade, and feelings will change, but as long as you give your marriage and home the attention it needs, it will continue to blossom and I can assure you, there is no greater accomplishment than a successful, lifelong partnership. A marriage that leaves behind a legacy.

Mountains, Mole hills, and Stepping stones.

I’m a firm believer in giving credit where credit is due. I’d like say thank you. Firstly to God and secondly to every single person who managed a prayer for our son. I’ve been saying for years that our miracle is coming and I stand firm on Gods word. I have asked and I shall receive.

We went for Chance’s check up almost expecting bad news, but I told myself all the way from the car, through the parking garage, and up the elevator,
“My God is bigger than this.”,
“My god will never leave or forsake us.”,
“My God, please….please.”

We always see things much bigger or harder than they truly are. God can turn a mountain into a mole hill, and he can fix anything, even when it seems hopeless. I’m not sure where the tables where turned or how God chooses his timing, but I know he’s always on time. After a quick check up we where released and asked to come back in 3 months! Let me explain something, 3 months may seem like nothing, but for us, that is like an eternity.

Chance has been having surgery every 3 months for over 2 years now. We have successfully bypassed month 3 and month 4! No matter what the future holds, this is our stepping stone. This, this small window, is the gateway to a happy and healthy future. When he goes back that will be 7 months total, and a record breaker for us! You could never imagine what that is like as his parent. There are not enough words in the English language and five others to describe the amount I joy I’m bursting at the seams with!

I will never be able to thank each and every person who has prayed for my child, but I can try. I will try. If you’re reading this and you’ve heard our story, THANK YOU! From the depths of my heart, and my entire soul, thank you. We’re going to continue praying, and as always believing, we can beat this. We want a cure, we want a “success rate“. We want our miracle, and we’re going o get it!

This, is our stepping stone and one more reason I know I serve such a mighty God.

Asset or liability?

Years ago someone told me to “pick someone that’s an asset not a liability.”

Your marriage isn’t a “business”, it is however a lifetime of investments. People seem to forget these things going into relationships. Of course things are fun in the beginning. It’s fresh and new. The true test is keeping it that way. For a marriage to be successful it has to have two unselfish people, but at least one of those two have to take the initiative. The quickest way to ruin a marriage is the tit for tat routine.

Treat each day as it is, a new one. Take a moment to send a text, or make a call. Take a moment to let your spouse know they’re important. So many others out there wish for only the opportunity. We are the only thing standing in the gap between success and failure. We all fall short. No one person is perfect, the key is finding the problem and working through it. If you spent 1/4 of your time building up your spouse instead of tearing them down you’d be in a completely different relationship altogether.

Like any investment, you must safeguard it. You don’t invest your life savings in stock and expect someone else to monitor it do you? No! You take the time daily to make sure it’s not just maintaining, but skyrocketing. So why would you invest your heart in something without insuring it? Take the time to appreciate your marriage and your spouse, and the value of it will increase. Think about it. The wheels are turning now. You can use any concept you want but the fact remains, a relationship takes work, and a marriage is a full time job. Don’t ask someone to invest in something with you, that you aren’t truly willing to invest the same. That’s why it’s called a partnership.

Firmly investing in your marriage at any cost is much cheaper than a divorce. In divorce you loose far more than anything money can buy.-Terress Martina

Big boys don’t cry (but Mommas do).

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I woke up a little early this morning and after getting dressed, I strolled to the kitchen and removed lunches from the fridge (as usual), and placed them in their designated bags. I woke up my children from oldest to youngest and arranged backpacks. All in the same ritualistic motions as I do every morning.

Somewhere between my driveway and the school parking lot, I must have missed someone pressing “fast forward”. As I watched him gather his things in the rearview mirror, I couldn’t help but notice his hair perfectly combed to the side, his new school shirt crisp and clean, not a stitch out of place. He looked so sweet, so perfect, so brave. That was until the car door opened.

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Walking to the front door of the school, I’m taking the 1 million pictures that I always do of every first and I can’t help but notice he seems anxious. With a few encouraging words from Mom, he was ready to kick Pre K butt! Just as we’re walking inside he let’s a small courageous smile creep out and says “Big boys don’t cry.”

We check in at the office and head for the classroom. Immediately I notice the door looks like a giant yellow
minion“, a character from a movie he recently watched. He thought that seemed funny. Deep breathe, and the doors opens. He scans the room taking in all of the art, and bright colors covering the walls. The teacher is kind, bubbly, sweet, and within a second he takes to her. He seemed so self assured. Far different from the little boy who only moments ago hopped out from the booster in my back seat, and suddenly, this Momma wasn’t.

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Do you really understand the impact a teacher has on a child or a child has on a teacher? I hope so. Our children will grow to trust, mimic, care for, and even love their teachers. Teachers carry an immense amount of responsibility. One teacher can potentially make or break a child. More life lessons are learned in a classroom than almost anywhere else. That teacher, has the ability, the right to to groom our children into young adults.

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Being a parent is far more than just having a child. We are raising a future President, astronaut, teacher, pastor, coach, or any of the other 1 billion jobs out there they may want to do when they “grow up”. A teacher shares in that journey. When you send your child to school, you loose a little piece of control. You give another person the responsibility of helping to mold your future grown up. As a Mom, that isn’t easy for me and I’m woman enough to admit it.

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Somehow, my mind seemed to have lost all control to function. As I was waving goodbye to my baby boy, it was as if I where saying hello to my little man. So full of pride for him and complete heartbreak for myself. I really don’t know how we got to this place so fast. Of course I cried, and I had to excuse myself to pull it together in the hall. Finally managing a goodbye, I left. As I made it to my car, and managed to drive myself to work I heard his little voice “Big boys don’t cry.” and I thought to myself “No, but Mommas do.

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